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I was sitting at my computer and after working on, and looking at, the pile of homework I had, I decided I was getting nowhere with it. So, for the first time in a very long time I went for a walk. I don’t mean it’s the first time I walked in a long time; I meant the first time I have walked not to get to class or somewhere else I have to be. I just went for a walk to clear my head. I ended up at a park and thought, why stop here, and got on the swing and started swinging. Swings are thinking machines, seriously, I think I do most of my thinking when I’m walking or swinging. So I started thinking about people, and about how I was watching CSI and the crazy things that people do. I was also thinking about all of the things going on in my life right now, and why those people do the things they do. What goes through their minds, and why it goes through their minds?

Obviously it has a lot to do with past experiences and relationships, but I think there is a lot more to it. I was thinking about what Adriano said about no matter how crazy it may seem to the actor, the character must feel as if it is within reason. I generally have a good understanding of people’s psyche, but it’s so hard to put into words. I have that trouble when I do the 9 W’s or 12 guideposts, is how do I put all of the things going on in my mind on paper? And I’ll write a whole bunch of things hoping to get to a certain point, but because I have so much going on in my head I lose track of what I wanted to say. It gets frustrating when I have an excellent point, but it gets lost. People are fascinating creatures, which is what I like the most about acting. You get to explore these people and their thoughts, and be things that you could never be in your own persona. It’s quite an enthralling experience, obviously you can use aspects of your life to relate to the character, but I love the feeling of myself floating out of my body and being replaced by another person with different motives and experiences. It’s like meditating in a way, for me anyways. It’s a lot different obviously, but aspects of it are very similar. Breathing down into the character can put you in a similar state as when you breathe in meditation. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that written work is very useful and you need to go through that thought process to make a good character, however it can only take you so far. The next step is believing, believing that you are the character and feeling it from your heart to your toes. The rest will come flowing out through that process.

Alright, so I lied about talking to you soon... Things have been busy. I was writing in my actors journal for acting class (what crazy concept :P) and I wrote this... so I decided it may be post worthy.
So read on:

Transportation, when not in a hurry or in traffic, is a very peaceful thing. I find when I am travelling it is the one time when I can really think. It’s the time when my mind wonders into this whole new world of inquiry and intense thoughts. Which is a terrible thing when I am in the car because well    
     1) it is dangerous and I have to stop my imagination from getting so in depth that I stop paying attention.
and 
    2) I can’t write down my thoughts when I’m driving… ties into #1. I decided that one day I am going to buy a subway ticket and get on at Downsview station and take the subway all the way through the loop and back again to Downview. All I am going to do is sit, and write down everything I think about. No matter how random or irrelevant it is. I will tell you why later on.

I was sitting in my car today at a red light, when a small white Nissan hatchback drove out of the perpendicular lane and swung into the left lane in front of me. I thought to myself, wow, cars are funny. It then occurred to me that people think of the most random things. Well obviously I knew that people think about random things, but never in the context that I did today. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation you are in, it still happens. I mean you can be having the worst day of your life and can be upset to no end, but at multiple points during the day irrelevant things will pop into your head. You can be in the middle of an argument with your parents, friends or significant other and all of a sudden think of purple monkeys. I mean most people probably wouldn’t think about purple monkeys… but you get the point. Or maybe you don’t, so I will start to explain what I am talking about.

I was thinking while at this red light that if I, a normal person, think about irrelevant things in the middle of a conversation, while I’m driving, walking or whatever. What would stop a character I’m playing to do the same thing? I mean just because the character is in a fight with someone, it doesn’t mean that they’re only thinking about the fight. Let’s say the person they’re fighting with says the word “playground” which is relevant to the situation, but my character might have another memory that also ties into the word “playground”. Maybe she thinks about the time she fell when she was 7 years old and skinned her knee and another kid helps her up and makes sure she’s okay. Obviously it has nothing to do with the conversation with this other person, but what would stop a person from thinking about that moment if they are reminded of it? I was then wondering how I could bring this into my own performances, and then thought about how hard it would be. Like really, to have an image reflex to every subject mentioned. That’s crazy. At this point my mind kept going and I thought, well that’s the difference between “acting” and “doing”. I wondered “why is it called acting?” When people hear the word acting, they instantly think of imitation. Imitation of an emotion, event, characteristic, etc. But acting isn’t imitation, at all, acting is doing. And it is so hard to fall into the trap of saying “I’m acting” when “acting” is a very secure situation. You have your script that tells you what to say when, when/where to move, how to react, how to say lines. Though capitals, italics, underlining, punctuation, you have everything you could ever need. And as a result, you lose the spontaneous-ness that is living. How do you work to make even the most scripted situation seem spontaneous – and no, reality TV. isn’t a good example.   

The way, I believe, to stop acting and start doing is thinking through every little thing. Erase the punctuation, the stage directions, the italics, underlining and ignore the capitals and wonder “if I was this character in this situation, what would I be thinking about and how would I communicate?” Obviously the character isn’t you, in the way that you don’t behave the same way while you’re in character as when you’re off stage, and that’s where it gets tricky. After you figure out how you would react to the situation, is finding the difference between how you would react, and how the character would react. Luckily, most of the time it is very similar. I could be here writing all day about what I think the correct way of finding your character and be completely wrong. It’s much too much to cover in one entry, that’s what books are for.